i n s p i r e d . . . - s e n t i m e n t

i'd be lying if i ran away and so i'll stay

Mon, 9 Nov 2009 22:09:13 UTC

There's that saying "out of the pan and into the fire." While I can't claim attachment to that, I can absolutely relate to "from one burner to another." I keep finding myself in the same predicaments even after proclaiming that it won't happen again. I should probably pick up my book and re-read it. While my inclination is only to help, to listen, to offer support, I find that often, I'm back and forth in hot water with one person or another. Stop already. But I can't just... not care. It's not my nature, nor my desire. Surely there has to be a balance when lending a hand. Surely.

do you ever feel that there is something missing?

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 17:39:58 UTC

Today, my niece would have turned six years old. The day she was born was the day she died. I think about her often and wonder what life would be like had she lived. I miss her. I miss her and I never even knew her. I'm grateful I got to hold her at least once before we laid her to rest. Thinking of you always, Raylynn.

a quiet desperation's building higher

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 03:54:57 UTC

No matter how I say it, the words escape me, and my point is not taken nor even considered. I wonder if I'm ever even really speaking. Perhaps, I'm not saying it right or, my tone is off kilter. Either way, my advice falls upon deaf ears and I depend on my actions to do my bidding for me. But still it falls short of getting us to read from the same book and I feel helpless to change it. How can you show someone a glimpse of the world through your own eyes? If only. Then again, there is always hope. One day, I'm sure, the sun will shine brighter, leaving no one in the dark.

fully alive... ready to smile and love life

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 19:50:09 UTC

I put away the rubies when you told me you fell in love. It doesn't feel like I have to wear them anymore. You no longer need me to carry on for you, so as I closed the drawer, I smiled. Even though we had a good run, this is what we both wanted. I want her to take my place in your life and for you to need my friendship less and less. Not because you've been a burden or a drain, but because you deserve the whole package all wrapped up in one person. I truly hope this new path meets with your forever and every moment is just one more second away from a better perfection.

lucky to have been where i have been

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 21:26:29 UTC

There is something deep down in my spirit that I can only connect to when I'm sitting on the shores of happiness. This year meant the most to me for many reasons. One being that it will never happen again. We had such an amazing time. I only wish I could bring myself to put forth more effort to indulge in the things that make you happy. I'm blessed to be with someone who understands me the way you do, though. I think it's really sweet the way we are. It will be great to try for it again next year. Can you believe we've been married for ten years?

i couldn't face a life without your lights

Sun, 30 Aug 2009 01:07:24 UTC

A friend recently confided in me a loss she experienced long ago. Ever since then, in moments when I least expect it, the reminder of our conversation resurfaces and it saddens me. In a considerably short time, she and her little sister had been through what seemed a lifetime of uncertainty and abuse. They leaned greatly on each other to survive. All they really had was each other for support. And then one day, tragically, through actions that were completely out of their control, her sister's life was taken and she was left to endure on without her. I can't stop thinking about that now and all of the struggles my sisters and I went through. As much as we bickered and got on each other's nerves, I absolutely could not imagine growing up without them. I am so grateful to still have them in my life. We have changed in many ways but will always have our history in common. I'm thankful, knowing if I need anyone to understand where I've been and how far I've come, I have four people I can count on for that.

god i want to dream again, take me where i've never been

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 20:48:07 UTC

I love the way God always gives me an answer even after I've forgotten that I asked a question.

show me what i'm looking for

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 19:59:05 UTC

I'm eager for the day when we can once again, sit beside ourselves and just... be. The door stands still and the phone silenced. We'll push the button, shut the blinds and lose ourselves in laughter. I won't have to wait my turn for your attention and once it's mine, it will cease to be up for grabs. I'll find that I trust to relax and let go. We'll do that thing where we talk for hours about everything. I'll paint while you play and I won't have to answer for what's on my mind next. The mornings will be mine again and I'll be able to start my days in the way more suited to my personality. It will be quiet, it will be loud, but then, it will be our way once again.

why do you look so familiar? i can swear that i have seen your face before

Thu, 2 Oct 2008 08:15:39 UTC

During local election time, it's always fun to see the candidate supporters on the bank of streets with their respective representative banners. This morning I couldn't help but laugh as I watched an insanely animated gentleman frantically pointing at a driver as his face gesture suggested that he is staring into the eyes of a major rocker. It's entertaining the way anyone who is paying attention to them are treated like they are the star of the show. Sometimes, when the mood strikes me, I just ignore the politics, not really caring who's rallying for what party, and frantically smile and wave back.

and when the wind is right, you can sail away and find serenity

Sat, 20 Sep 2008 07:08:57 UTC

I'm going to fly for a bit. While I'll admit, you'll be in my thoughts only sometimes, you'll always be in my heart.