and when do you think it will all become clear?
July 07, 2008

Everyday it seems another weighty decision to make is just around the corner.  This constant always having to take into account how it's going to make me look or how it will make everyone else feel.  I just want to scream.  There is little left to go around with so many depending on me.  I do want to help but feel like I'm losing a little bit more of myself each time in the process.  And then the guilt sets in if I didn't go the extra mile because I know eventually the people I love will be gone and I will regret not giving more.  It's an unavoidable issue right now considering the fuel for this fire is driven by the constant reminder that when I had the chance to step in and do something, I didn't and with that, many lives have been altered.  Sometimes I place blame around the room instead atop my shoulders but at the end of the day, it is only me in my reflection and I cannot exonerate the girl I see staring back at me.


There are 11 Comments for and when do you think it will all become clear?

Regret is a heavy burden to carry as is trying to make the right decision no matter how many or how few it affects. If only others would consider what they see reflected back at them and follow their higher sense of right instead of relying on others, then we wouldn't be faced with the hard decisions. By the way, don't be so hard on the girl staring back at you ... her heart is in the right place, she's my friend and I love her.
from Susan 4 months ago
Thanks so much for your very kinds words on my blog today. And I agree with the comment above. Your heart is in the right place. There is NO doubt about that whatsoever.
from misty 4 months ago
Great words! But remember D, you are only human and YOU have feelings too. I may not make a bit of sinse...but...I've said your exact words. But lately, from somewhere inside me, I've been thinking about how much life's little difficulties have helped me appreciate them more. Knowing that they all shall pass. Because it ends, for a time, the pain of forgetfulness.Including the conditions that do not line up with my preferences, I am more able to love what is and then, hopefully, take action from a place of mindful appreciation... instead of fearing them. And I recognize how it has helped me. When you look into the mirror see it and recoginze it too! Your internal beauty! :) big hug!
from Christina 4 months ago
So, yeah. That feeling totally sucketh. But I am here to tell you, that you can't please all of the people all of the time. Don't be so hard on that beautiful girl in the mirror. She is totally awesome and totally caring and doing the very best she can to be the very best she can be. That is all anyone can ask for. I love you. xoxo <3
from Beth 4 months ago
Umm... I know it sounds weird, but one of the life lessons I learned was that the best way to take care of others is to take care of yourself. I can't say that I've learned it well enough to always do that, but I know I should... You're a very special person, D. Never forget that. **HUGS** ;)
from Tammy 4 months ago
i can see where you*re coming from on this, i*m sure a lot of us have felt this before but you have to think about yourself too. :) it*s a great quality being able to think of others & wanting to take care of them & all that fun stuff. but put yourself there as well, maybe you*ll see a different outcome. someone like you CAN*T POSSIBLY be a bad person. the way you perceive things? nah, you*re friggin' awesome lady! :D Thanks for droppin' me a line! By the way, where*s the pink?? :(( lol
from bella 4 months ago
about the new red... that*s ok. red is right next to pink!
from bella 4 months ago
Like you, I am one of those people who constantly want to help others but you can't let yourself get stretched to thin. It can severely damage you. If you keep putting everyone first (and this goes with anyone who does it) at the end your going to see a lot of happy people around you..but you are going to be left miserable. Do you really want to live your life like that? Learn to balance things on an even lvl. Also, don't worry so much about what others think of you because at the end of the day..it doesn't matter how they feel about you but about more how you feel about yourself. Never regret and always live to the fullest!... Ok im done rambling :D *hugs*
from Rosescry 4 months ago
I think the previous comments are all very thoughtful and sound. I believe you can only do what you can do at any given time. Helping others is supposed to make you feel good when you can do it. At the same time, it shouldn't be true that you should feel bad when you can't help someone. Often there are situations where a person is much better off helping themselves and growing from that experience. When you can help someone in some way, it should make you both feel good about it. You shouldn't come at the situation with a feeling of past regret, or some self-imposed guilt. There are people who are especially good at making a person feel guilty. Family members really know how to push those buttons. At some point when you realize this guilt game occurs, whether it is coming from someone else or from yourself, you have to say to yourself or to the other person, "I'm not playing this guilt game any longer. It's not healthy. It's not helpful. It makes me feel bad. I'm done with it."
from John Furie Zacharias 4 months ago
I miss you!!!!! I hope all is well!!! I have a message for you later, I'm still working on it! But, Enjoy your weekend!
from Christina 4 months ago
you know what? this sounds so much like me.. you see, i'm the constant "pleaser"..everything i do, i do out of sheer worry that if i don't do it, someone will hate me. so i end up being the 'yes' person... but guess what? i've stopped a lot of this..'cos i've seen the light! i've started to do things just for me, and if people don't like it, tough shit.. it was hard at first to say no, but it's getting easier. cos you know, you feel like crap,and like you've let ppl down, or whatev... but i've had a lifetime of pleasing everyone else,and got very little out of it..mostly heart ache and being used. start doing things for you deeda, and sure, it will feel odd at first, but in the long run, you will be respected for not giving in to others demands/wants/needs. luv to you friend. oxoxoxo
from Ute 4 months ago

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